Monday, May 24, 2004
wow avalanche was amazing..ive seen a side of God i never have seen before!! its new territory...ok..wel heres the deal..for one thing..im not sure about sharing all of this..it is really personal..but pppl have told me how they love that i can be so real on here..so ill be real..if its too real..lol...tell me..or whatever you think...but i think its safe to tlak about now because its in the past!! and its not coming back!..sooo...before avalanche..as some of you know i had been struggling with family problems..and suicide crap..like...not good...and it had been such a burden on me..i was pretty much depressed...so anyways..i went to avlanche(a youth conference in kelowna for those of you who dont know) and it was cool..i hadnt prepared for it tho..which i should have but didnt know how to..so anyways..i got into worship and just started dancing..and i never usually do this..this is an amazing church that it was held at!!! so..at first i thought everythign was better the first and second day..i thought everythign was all good..but yea..it wasnt..i didnt feel relived or watever..so last night(sunday) there was this rapper guy(and all of you who know the story of the broken leg thing..it wasnt the manifest-rapper- guy who was involved in the laughing at the stupid joke..it was just the breakdancers- and anyways..he was rapping then he started saying.."there is a girl here who was thinking and tryign to attempt suicide before avalanche..and shes having problems with her mother and father and family life" and just started prayign and..i was like..."what the heck..?!?" because it nailed me..not all of you who were there know this..now you do..so yea..that hit me and i was like "uhh..okay?..wat do i do i thought i was better" for a while until we got into worship..and i was dancing and just praising God and i just got on my knees..and started bawling..i wasnt even thinking baotu anything..i dont know why..and then ppl started laying hands on me..and many of you know how much i cry! i have NEVER EVER cried like this ever before...so..i was lying on the ground and shannon and jill and chrisine and jannelle and mark and some other ppl were just praying for me..and..the stuff they said..it was..wow..i cant even explain..but..i was crying soo much..and i hurt soo much pyysically like..in my stomach there was this pain..and it was indescribable...so i was still crying and worhsip had ended so this girl told us we shoudl go up to the 24-7 prayer room..so we did..and they lay me down and there was just..such prophetic stuff..visions and amazing things about me..i was so suprised how much was wrong with me..and..before this (i still havce to pray about this)God had told me that i was going to go into school(thomas haney specifically) and preach to the people and change soo many lifes! and this guy was praying..and he was sayign this stuff and then..this thing abotu witchcraft came up and he said somethign was given to me that was with me adn it was like evil..and i had no clue what he was talkign about! i was like "waaat?" then after a while he asked me what i saw and God was tellign me about the school thing again and i told him and this girl that was there said there woudl be a team...and i later foudn out that laura gelush is going to that school and the girl said that she knew laura woudl be part of it..so thats cool..but i still got to get assurance from God n stuff...anyways..after we prayed..i felt sooo released...in another blog when i have more time i might write some of the visions and things ppl got..but yea..a woman said that i would be a prophetic speaker..and i had never thought this would happen to me..like..i never thought it woudl be so cool..and the woman said that i would do amazing things and its soo cool to hear!!! and anyways..mark went down after we were done praying and travis..who has the gift of seeing angels and demons..said he saw demons latched onto me..or soemthign when i was going up to the prayer room..that was creepy..but i know there gone and there alot of stuff in my life i have to get rid of!!...and i told some stuff to my mom..and i asked baotu the witchcraft thign and she suggested harry potter..which i had some books in my room..so i totally htink thats it wcuz thy were given to me..so ill get rid of those..anyways..i have to get off ill add more later!..im back now...adding more to this blog..i actually talked to my dad...it was sooo cool..it was so deep..and we never ever talk..it was sooo cool..i just talked ot him about God and life and what me and him are doing and where were at wiht God..and all the cool stuff that happened at avalanche..and yea..i dont remember what i wrote..its pretty late..its so wierd..jannelle was talking about seeing in the spiritual realm..and it is really creepy..because she described what she had seen..and its gross...i wont explain..but like..all day today i have been praying and commanding them to leave me and my house and everywhere around me..its cool..and like..wow..i love tlakgin to God now and just..i want to spend al my time with him...i destroyed most of my ssecular cd's so far..because ive noticed that whenever im sad i go listen to it..and its not good..so thats somethign ill finish..and also ive been thinking of going on like..a tv sorta fast..like christine..but not so seroius...my acceptions will be news and csi(if its appropriate) and also only certain movies..im tired of filing my mind with all the shit of the world!!! lol..really..im going to try hard to stop..and..wow..i feel so amazing right now..i dont want it to go away..like the spiritual high ppl get and then a couple weeks later its back to normal! no way.im not doing that..ive brokenthe chains and im leaving them behind!!!!! yeehah!lol..
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